Alzheimer’s doesn’t diminish teen’s love for grandmother

By Nichole Holland, 15, and Chelsea Parrish, 13. Contributors include Mandie DeBretto, 11, and Faith Cole, 9

Living with someone who has Alzheimer’s disease can be difficult, and that was the case for 18-year-old Kristie Tonge of Ishpeming. Her grandmother began showing signs of the progressive brain disorder five years ago.

Tonge lived with her grandmother until she was moved to a nursing home a year and a half ago. “Grandma” was Tonge’s legal guardian and raised her since middle school.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been closer to anyone as far as adults go than I am with my grandma. She was always there for me,” Tonge said.

Tonge’s first reaction to Grandma’s condition was confusion.

“I didn’t understand it. My uncle kept talking about how we needed to get her tested, and I didn’t really know what was going on,” she said.

Grandma’s symptoms started with simple things but grew into bigger issues that made it difficult to care for her.

“She went from forgetting where her purse was to not really knowing what was going on all the time,” Tonge explained. “She would lose track of whether it was Saturday or Tuesday. She didn’t understand everything we’d say to her. She had a very bad short-term memory. Eventually she got to the point where she would sleep all the time and not really be aware or say anything.”

The family realized as the disease progressed, Grandma needed someone to be with her during the day. So Tonge’s uncle stayed home with her until Tonge got home from school. Then he would go to work as Tonge took over. To do this, Tonge, a high school junior at the time, had to give up after-school activities.

Alzheimer’s disease, which kills more than 100,000 people annually, was changing Grandma’s personality. She was becoming more irritable and suspicious.

“She started hallucinating and seeing this little boy,” Tonge said. “There was always a little boy. That led to her being suspicious of all of us. She would accuse me of stealing her money or of being out to get her and being in with these Mafia-type people.”

“One night she tried to wander outside, and that sealed it for us — we couldn’t leave her home alone anymore. She walked out of our house with no jacket on, no boots on, and my little sister ran out after her and said, ‘Grandma, what are you doing?’ She was like, ‘I’m going home.’ My sister was really upset.”

After this incident, Tonge and her family knew that her grandmother had to go to a nursing home. She is now in stage six out of the seven stages of Alzheimer’s. She can still walk on her own.

Tonge explained what stage seven is predicted to bring.

“During stage seven, it’s basically like someone forgets how to eat. She can’t really function on her own. She’ll be completely bedridden. She won’t be able to move or feed herself anymore. She won’t be able to do things that I used to take for granted a lot. Being able to sit at a table and eat a meal with my family, or even just get up and use the restroom, she won’t be able to do any of that on her own.”

Since her grandmother’s diagnosis, Tonge has learned more about the disease. She says it is easier to accept now that she understands it.

“We’re still really close. I still go visit her all the time and I’ll sit there and read. She sleeps a lot more now, so we don’t get to talk as much, and she doesn’t always understand,” she said

In part because of her grandmother’s illness, Tonge has decided to pursue a career in nursing.

“She is the person who shaped me and molded me into who I am today,” Tonge said. “It gives me a good sense of empathy and sympathy for other families who are suffering through these kinds of things.”

Tonge offers this advice to others who have a loved one with Alzheimer’s:

“As hard as it is, never be afraid to talk about it. Holding everything inside is never going to help. It’s very difficult to talk about these kinds of things openly for some people, but there are support groups out there to help. And I would recommend them to anyone who is going through this kind of a situation.”

She says she would like people to remember her grandmother for how she was before Alzheimer’s.

“I would like them to remember her as the cute, gray-haired, old woman who was always hauling all of her grandkids to church and always looking out for everyone else but herself. She sacrificed everything she could for all of us children, her kids and her grandkids. And I would rather have them remember the wonderful and generous woman she always was.”